


The One Left Behind

by bladeofthestars



Category: Bug Fables (Video Game)
Genre: Brief suicidal ideation, Depersonalization, Derealization, Dissociation, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers for Chapter 5 and beyond of Bug Fables, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:00:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26447482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bladeofthestars/pseuds/bladeofthestars
Summary: While visiting Golden Settlement, Kabbu awakens in the night and finds himself drawn to Venus' clearing.
Relationships: Kabbu & Venus (Bug Fables)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	The One Left Behind

Kabbu sat on the edge of his bed, legs dangling over the side. Moonlight came in from the balcony, bathing him in pale light. He turned and watched Vi as she slept in her bed, her little chest rising and falling and snoring with more force than one would think a Bee of her size capable. He turned the other way and watched Leif for a moment.

The first time Kabbu had stirred in the middle of the night, unable to stay asleep while his companions rested on, Leif had concerned him greatly. The Moth slept like the dead, his breathing barely noticeable even when one was looking for it. Kabbu resisted the urge to check on his friend and instead quietly made his way to the balcony.

It was dark in Golden Settlement and no bugs stirred, most of them preferring daylight to go about their business. Kabbu gazed at the moon, perfectly framed by the statue of the Goddess Venus. Everything felt like a dream, perfectly frozen in time. Kabbu barely dared to even think, unwilling to break the silence of the moment.

He stepped back into the room, past his companions, and as quietly as possible used the crank elevator to the ground floor. The inn keeper was nowhere in sight, probably dozing in a back room. Trance-like, Kabbu slowly made his way over the stage and past the Venus statue. The larger crank elevator required a mighty whack from his horn, but it felt like practically nothing.

On the cliff heights a gentle breeze played across the clearing, scattering petals and leaves down seemingly perpetually. The moonlight was so bright it almost hurt but he couldn't find it in him to blink, barely remembered to breathe as his feet carried him forward. Familiar, terrifying, exhilarating, awe-inspiring- Her form loomed in the moonlight, back to him.

He walked further into Her clearing, still not daring to break the silence. Curious vines gently passed over his feet as he waded through the field of flowers. His feet carried him forward seemingly unbidden, step by step, until he found himself kneeling at a respectful distance from Her. After a long moment of silence, Her back still to him, She finally spoke:

"Why have you come here, Kabbu?"

He had spent his entire walk here somewhat expecting that upon hearing Her voice he would shake this trance, maybe feel silly and talk for a little and then drag himself back to the inn to sleep off his embarrassment. Instead, it felt like a few of the ties holding his brain to his body were snipped the instant he heard Her words. In horror he thought back to his team's encounter with Kali, but something about this felt different.

"I..." his body spoke, and he wasn't sure he had given it permission to. His voice broke, not yet having been warmed up for use after sleep.

"I come to serve, my lady."

How many times had he thought about how nice it would be to never again have to make a hard decision? How many times had he decided poorly? Still, the words came from some automatically functioning part of his body and not from his consciousness. He watched through a fog as She partially turned, appraising him with one eye.

"Kabbu, you know I have Aria and many others in the village that do a fine job here." Her words were not unkind, nor were they forceful. His body didn't dreg up a response for them, but still wouldn't let him give one either. After a moment of uncomfortable silence Venus finally turned to face him fully, casting her concerned gaze down on him.

"Are you alright?"

Something in him desperately grated, he tried to reconnect with himself but everything seemed so far away, his arms at his sides limp and too long. Again his mouth spoke without permission:

"I want for nothing."

"Oh, Kabbu," Venus knelt in front of him. "I know that's not true." She reached out and gently took hold of his face. His body began to shudder violently at Her touch. He thought he had only blinked but now he was wrapped in Her vine-like arms and held to Her flower scented body as She rocked in time with the breeze. He kept hearing loud gasping sounds but he knew it wasn't Her because he could hear Her gentle breathing from where he was pressed against Her. Something was on his face. In a daze he reached up to touch it, extremities tingling ever so slightly, and realized his face was wet.

 _Oh._ Those sounds were him. And there was an actual _Goddess_ spending Her precious time trying to calm him down-

"Kabbu, it's okay if you need a moment."

He'd thought his bodily control had returned to him but he hadn't realized he'd been squirming. 

He took the moment. He squeezed his eyes shut and felt the breeze caressing his face, felt Venus' gentle swaying. He listened to Her breathing and the sounds of Her meadow being ruffled in the wind. He smelled Her sweetly scented vines and the various other flowers growing around Her. He opened his eyes and saw Her vines supporting him and the moonlight casting harsh shadows from the surrounding cliffs.

"Thank you," he said to Her, voice quiet and husky after the long crying bout. She looked down at him and he felt very... small.

"Kabbu, you have served Me -and the people of Bugaria- plenty as it is. I know you plan to continue helping people where you can and I honestly think that's where you're best suited. If you want to retire in Golden Settlement I certainly wouldn't have any qualms -and I doubt the rest of the town would- but I've never gotten the impression from you that it would be so soon."

"I... don't know what came over me. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night like this and can't fall back asleep but I've never been prone to wandering. It felt like... Like I was a passenger on a Kabbu-shaped boat and someone else was captain. And they wanted to hand off the helm to you, I guess."

"I'm flattered that in your time of need you came to Me, consciously or unconsciously. Kabbu... You need to let yourself talk about them more."

Venus set him back on the ground and he stared at his feet shyly.

"Master and Bit... I've tried, but it's so hard. I went back to the swamp with Vi and Leif to... to say goodbye and..."

"And it's hard to believe they're actually gone?"

"I-I watched what happened to them, I mean, how could I _not_ know how utterly, completely gone they are, and yet every time something reminds me of them and the story almost tumbles out of me I feel like I'm going to turn around and see Bit grinning at another prank or hear my Master scolding me to stop telling everyone about some silly spot of trouble we'd gotten in and I just _choke._ Every day I have to remember all over again that I will never wake up to their faces and _I_ am the reason why!"

"Kabbu..." She reached out and gently caressed his face. He dared not look up, knowing any movement would knock his brimming tears loose.

"Kabbu, you did not create The Beast."

"No, but I-"

"You did not cause it to be fierce and hungry."

"But I should have-"

"You did not place The Beast in the swamp, nor did you know it was there."

"I SHOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER, DAMN IT! DAMN IT ALL, I ALMOST LOST VI AND LEIF TO THE THING AS WELL! I-... I should have been better, and if my best wasn't enough... I should have died with them."

His tears flowed freely now, though he did not weep as he had before. The crushing weight on his chest scarcely let him breathe, let alone sob.

"Kabbu, it wasn't your fault."

Silence rang through the clearing for many long moments, broken only by Kabbu's soft hiccups.

"I... I think that somewhere, deep in my heart, I know that. I just wish... I wish I could have done something differently, I wish I c-could stop he-hearing their screams as I turned my back and fled, and yet I feel that closing my eyes to the visions that haunt me would be just as _cowardly_ as my flight that day. Why shouldn't I suffer? Why should I be here and not one of them? Goddess, why is my body so compelled to keep me alive when some days there is nothing I want less?"

"Kabbu... Kabbu, there is no reason for any of it. Sometimes bad things _just happen._ It's no one's fault. We can learn from our mistakes but we cannot change the past and we certainly cannot predict the future. Kabbu, honor them by living in the present. They would be grateful that you are still alive, proud of your accomplishments, and even if you were not one of the saviors of Bugaria as we know it they would love you regardless."

Kabbu took in a deep, shuddering breath before letting out a broken sob.

"I suppose I have an obligation to live well."

Venus sighed. "I think this has been enough for one evening. Sleep, dear knight. Tomorrow is a fresh day."

Kabbu looked at his feet once more, bashful.

"I can't."

"Then I will help you," She said, gathering him in Her vines once more. "Remember that you are always welcome if you wish to talk again. I could use the company, it does get so lonely up here..."

Kabbu drifted off to sleep as She talked, lulled by some magic carried with Her scent. He didn't stir a bit, not even when vines lifted him through the inn's balcony and tucked him into bed. His sleep was, for once, blissfully dreamless.


End file.
